Thursday, February 9, 2017

Put a Bullet in my brain





Put a Bullet in my brain 
and make my pain marvelous,
 make me relive my happiest moments of my waking life.
Don't be afraid to let go because i already have, 
im not going to change my mind, for it already had changed.
i wont miss the Sun or the Moon
 for they are in me
i AM the Sun and Moon.
Dont cry, 
the Oceans, Lakes and the Rivers are full of many tears. 
i cannot stay.
(unfinished)

Friday, January 13, 2017

am i ok?






I refuse to be a victim. its been probably 6 to 7 years or even my whole life that ive been feeling like this. Don't know if im overly sensitive, or just constantly sad, or even have that dreadful depression. not sure, but what i do know is that i wont go to a doctor, i haven't seen the doc. for 6 years. im fine. but i don't want someone to tell me i have something and all they'll hand out is pills. im a stubborn person, the only way i'll take medicine is if im on my deathbed, which recently ive been walking right beside it. I don't make myself sad, the world makes me sad, the troubles, the hate.... i feel guilty for being happy, its not that i don't deserve to be happy but just thinking many are suffering at the moment. its a constant thought in my mind. then thinking "wow im so lucky to have the life that i do" and yet i feel im wasting it because im lost, not sure who i am, i mean, i know who i am but not quite sure what's my purpose. 
Sometimes i feel so out of place, i feel like i don't belong, i don't belong in this time. im always yearning to go back, but go back where? honestly i don't know, but its a strong feeling that im not from here, ok i know sounds crazy, but i don't care. its what i feel, and i cannot deny that.
am i from a different time? is this why i have a fascination of different time periods? are souls from different eras within  me? i don't know, i do believe in reincarnation because why not? but then again its my belief. ive just been distracting myself this whole time from feeling like this and no, im not sad all the time, i know my worth, i like myself somewhat, and if i don't like something physically or mentally about myself i try to change it. its just waves of feelings come over me and try to wash me away, but hey! im still standing and thats something i should be proud of. and to always have hope. days will be dark as the thought of loneliness but other days will be bright as the warmth of the sun when it hits you on the first day of summer. 

just a thought of the night. 

         and i welcome many more. 
       
                  Love, Carol. 

Monday, September 12, 2016

September issue

 

 
Got my September issue from Vogue today!, well, actually I didn't know I was going to get it, anyways, I got it and it's HUGE
I like fashion magazines they're really great to look at! I sometimes don't like the clothes they wear from different brands but some are cute!. But you see, I look at fashion magazines in a different way than most people, and I know others do this too! I look at them to get inspiration. I look at their makeup, hair, nails, and some clothing items and imagine in my head what clothes do I have to imitate this without going out to and spend money, I don't want to straight up copy like the models, but I just want to see of I can pull it off! 
Let me tell you how I've always looked at magazines and models, 
When I was younger, in my early teens and late teens... I really wasn't vulnerable on the pressures on how to look in a certain way based on society views (I'm the same way today)
I guess you can call me lazy or just don't care on how people physically view me
At a young age somehow I understood why models looked in a certain way and what the designers were doing,
Each fashion designer is different they each have a look they want to perceive or they do something very extravagant to advertise their products! For example makeup models... THEY HAVE THE CLEAREST SKIN IN LIFE and no pores???? Gurl, well know that every one has pores and we can surely see  them with high def. cameras. But we don't see that because they feel that's too distracting from that they're trying to sell, whether it's eyeshadow or mascara (which by the way, they need to STOP using fake lashes specifically when they are advertising mascara) so, that's understandable. I don't believe that you must wear everything that is straight off the runway, I think you should only take what you need, and make it your own

Like for example, YouTube makeup videos, you don't HAVE to use the exact same thing as the person is using if you don't have the same brands but the same color you're set!! Take what you need, and of course you can copy step by step and use the same brands as they used but you don't need to. 

So as far as fashion it's alright, it's whatever they're not forcing us a certain way but US as a society were forcing us to look a certain way, I don't know that's how I feel about that. 

Ok so let's talk about the cover of this month's issue! Kendall Jenner, she is so admirable because I love how she kind of separated herself form the "Kardashian brand" and is pursuing a career of her own!  And I bet it's not easy, knowing where you're from to branch out and try new things because maybe some may think of you in a certain way because of your name. And I think she's a great model. (Of whatever she's doing, I really don't follow people) 

Also I'm going to destroy this Magazine.... Lol as in I'm going to cut up some pages and make a vision board! I haven't made one in YEARS! I remember I had 2 when I was around 15 years old! They were amazing it had Lauren Conrad and some of the Hills cast members idk I LOVED THAT SHOW OKAY! Anyways.. Going to make one, I've made a couple on my phone with different apps but it's not the same because it's such a drag to turn on your phone and have to stare at a screen, SO I decided to make a "fashion" vision board since I have this magazine, I mean I'm not really into fashion but I guess I'll give it a go! Maybe I'll make a post on how it looks like! 

Goodbye for now. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Sick days

ah! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, ... Being sick that is, I rarely get sick and when I do it's horrid! I have a sore throat and it's not fun, especially when you wake up in the morning! For some reason it's 10x worse! BUT alas! I do have a remedy for a mild sore throat! Ready!? Ok so what I do to soothe the soreness and the tickle in your throat is make a jasmine tea, add a whole lemon (juice) and honey!! Oh my goodness! It's so good! That combo is so delightful! Honey will soothe you're throat and it's just. TRY IT, even if you aren't sick! 

Anyways, I'm coughing a little and yea it hurts, took some Advil and it calmed the pain, but for some reason when I'm sick it is when I want to do the most, I do my chores, I continue doing my little projects, and making a lot of planning for this years Halloween! But I must sit down for a hot second because while it's hard to breathe in this condition for me, because asthma is upon me. 

So I decided to read a little, what am I reading? Well Harry Potter of course! Ha! Since the new book is out I decided to re read all the books just to re fresh my memory and I'm on the last book in the series! 

 
Also made some more tea but this time I pulled out my Alice in Wonderland tea that I got from downtown Disney! The flavor I'm drinking is Mint, I'm not. Big fan of mint but thought I'd give it a go! And I had to use my kitty mug! It is the exact color of my late cat Mitzy! Main reasons why I got it! She also had green eyes! I miss her! 
Also have my little note pad just in case I need to write something out! Ideas always come out of nowhere! 
Also using my iPad as I write this and listening to Glenn Miller 
 
Glenn Miller is my favorite I love listening to his different records! Especially when I'm working on things online! 
So after I write this blog post I'm going to start reading Harry Potter! I need to read more about Harry and Ginny because them together are my favorites! 
Thanks for reading this 
Sorry you had to, alright then bye! 

 

Friday, February 5, 2016








 Heart swells up with sadness
with a nostalgic mind
how i can go back
When,.. I have never been.






Wednesday, June 17, 2015








sadness is swallowing me whole
it wont chew me up
 making me feel everything 
all at once.










Monday, April 20, 2015

Faster than a speeding bullet


George Keefer Reeves 
Born: Janurary 5, 1914 in Woolstock Iowa 
Died: June 16, 1959 in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, California.

Soon after George was born he and his mother moved to Pasadena, California.
when he was just a baby his parents divorced, and as George got older he asked his mother about his father, she told him he committed suicide.
Soon this would be the biggest mistake his mother ever did.
George went to Pasadena Junior College where he studied music and acting, later on became interested in boxing, his mother did not approved, worried he was going to ruin his good looks, she convinced him to stop, he did.
At age 21 in 1935 he joined The Pasadena Community Playhouse.



Pasadena Playhouse opened in 1925 (although it was founded in 1917 but the theater was established in 1924). The people of Pasadena donated/raised funds to build the theater in 395 El Molino Ave. Pasadena artist and architect Elmer Grey designed the theater in Spanish Colonial Revival style.
The theater went through many productions over the years with notable actors such as Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Raymond and Sally Struthers.
The theater closed its doors due to bankruptcy in 1969, but alas! it reopened in 1985. Pasadena Playhouse is still open today.


In 1939 a casting agent saw George in a play at the playhouse and liked what he saw and offered him a role to one day to become a legendary movie 'Gone With The Wind'.



The Warner Bros. studio decided to change George Bessolo (stepfather's name) to Reeves, to them it sounded a lot better. (This was common and still is for actors to change their names).

While being at the Playhouse he met a young actress Ellanora Needles they married in 1940
im guessing they didnt have much in common because they marriage didn't last long


George Reeves was under contract with Warner Bros. he made many unsuccessful films. By 1943 he got into a big film ' For So Proudly we Hail' it was successful at the box office, he started to get recognition.


World War 2 was a thing at this time, Reeves enlisted.
  The director of the film saw big things happening for George and promised him great success for when he comes back.
While stationed in New York he was offered to be in a play, while this was happening his biological father tracked him down, they met. Soon after George was furious at his mother, as she told him his father has committed suicide which was untrue for the obvious reasons. He never spoke to his mother again. Reeves only saw his father that one time he found him. Never saw him again.

George returned home on 1946 ready for stardom he was promised, he was 32 at the time. The film director who promised him for a successful career passed away, George didn't know what to do next, he sort of relied on that promise.
His marriage wasn't going anywhere either, In 1949 his wife left him for another man.  told you.

Around that time the 50's, The television was getting very popular but for actors was a nightmare, why? well, because most famous actors viewed television as a last resort, a failure, and it was for the has-been or never-been.

Since television was on the rise it was also a way to spend time with family, attracting a much younger audience, producers saw there must be a kids show whilst making one of the comics Superman to be real.

Superman was created by two Cleveland, Ohio high school students, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, it took them 5 years to sell their idea, after they were able to sell their superman idea it became very popular being on the comic strip on the newspaper in 1939.

Soon after it was made as a comic book, radio show, first superman movie serial starting Kirk Alyn.



Television was the only choice for George at the moment, producers for the new superman show wanted George to be The man of steel, although all these great things was happening George felt he has failed.. he saw no future in television.
He was very unsure of the show if it was even going to broadcast, by 1951 George completed filming the first 26 episodes, him thinking this will fail.... guess what.. the show was shelved for 2 years...
But! after that it got sponsors and went on air in 1953. And big surprise to George.. everyone loved the show! especially the kids.
Couple of weeks after the show aired it has gotten so popular he couldn't go anywhere, he has finally gotten the fame he wanted. Although Reeves loved having a job, he did not liked being a comic book hero, he didn't like the costume he had to dye his hair, wear rubber muscles, and also a corset.

Cool Fact: After every season Reeves would burn his costume and cut out the 'S' and give it away to a fan.

After a couple of seasons George was fed up with portraying the Superman character, he felt it wasn't serious acting.
But like everyone else he kept his mouth shut because he needed a job. Although he still was able to be on a big film, but another problem was that everyone now saw his as superman and only superman.
'From here to Eternity' was his last major film.

In the 50's he met a woman, Toni Mannix. Toni was 10 years older, she was a former Ziegfeld Follies showgirl, George and toni we're seeing each other while she was married to Eddie Mannix, Mr. Mannix was a film executor and producer for MGM .



(Toni and Eddie Mannix)

Toni's and George's affair sounded more like a friendship and a little more, her husband didn't seem to mind their relationship.
Toni was a mother/girlfriend to George, she gave him security, Toni bought George his house in Beverly Hills, a car, and paid most of his bills.
In 1957 the sixth and last season of Adventures with Superman wrapped up, for George it was difficult to remove the Superman image and it was hard to get more acting gigs so he decided to start directing, he actually directed the last 3 episodes of Adventures with Superman.
At 43 George seemed to be going on a mid-life crisis, be became a heavy drinker and felt his dreams  weren't fulfilled , As Toni was providing him most of the time he felt it wasn't right.
                    
He met Leonore Lemmon
in New York later that year. Lenore was well known in the New York club scene, she was a party girl. George was attracted to her and she to him.


George invited to Lenore to come to California and visit him, she did. And she practically moved in with him. As they both were falling for each other, Toni in the other hand was not approving this, Since Toni and George weren't official George wasn't obligated to stay single.
Toni was so jealous she didn't like Leonore at all, she harassed the couple up to the point where George had to file a complaint to the police. Now with George and his new woman he was partying like there was no tomorrow. They both went through so much of his money, he was running out and fast. There was talk of making a couple more Superman episodes and George wouldn't mind of doing so because he needed the money and work. when he was with Toni she managed his money and since all the partying and new girlfriend spending his money, he was missing Toni and their stable relationship.
George was quite confused about his love life, did he wanted to stay with Leonore or go back with Toni?, In 1959 George and Leonore went out for dinner they were seen arguing quite a bit, who knows what they were truly arguing about, as they went back home they invited some friends and neighbors to their house to have some drinks,
Leonore was having fun with friends downstairs, George went upstairs minutes later...
there was a gun shot.
He was found dead. naked on his bed with a bullet hole on his head and a gun near his body he was 45 years old.
Cops were called and instantly ruled it as a suicide for the obvious crime scene.
There are many theories of what happened that night, some say leonore herself killed him, others say George used to play a game where a gun was loaded with a blank and mock suicide.. and someone replaced it with a real bullet. So many theories out there of what really could've happened.
Leonore left town immediately .. she didn't wanted to deal with this.
Toni was devastated like if her life was over and she never fully recovered.
George's body had 2 autopsies and later on ruled by his injuries as a homicide 
but still very unclear who killed him
one of the biggest Hollywood murder mysteries.

Ghost Sightings
George Reeves house was given back to Toni Mannix
today the house can be rented but no one lasts for no more than 2 nights...
it is also used for television and films, 
There has been reports of ghost sightings and strange things happening in the house and noises,
some have seen his apparition in his Superman Costume, In the room where he died the bed is always being moved by itself, the smell of gun powder comes and goes
lights goes on and off and neighbors often see a familiar man on the front lawn.. George?

Who do you think killed George? 
was it suicide? or someone wanted him gone? 
are the ghost sightings real? 


i encourage you to read more about George Reeves, his early years, life in Hollywood and his death.
there is so much more details to know.


 i got this information from reading over the years and this is based on my knowledge,
all the images i used on this post are from google, i do not own them.

Thank You for stopping by!
Love, Carole