Is my Polaroid Camera broken?

I want to talk about my Polaroid camera but first let me show you a delish yogurt thing I found at the grocery store! I usually don't eat yogurt because I'm not really a dairy fan BUT.. omg these are soo good... the little bits you add to it.. just makes it more enjoyable.. I'm the type of person who likes all the crunchy foods I need everything to be crunchy if it's possible! And when I can add little crunchy bits to either on yogurt or my acai bowl... everything is alright in the world. 

But seriously.. try this if you're a yogurt eater 

So anyways... ok so the Camera.. I bought this One Step 600 Polaroid camera at a estate sale for only 2 dollars! And I was super excited because it's been a while since I had a Polaroid! We used to have one but we hardly used it because they weren't "trendy" anymore and it was hard to buy film... so I'm pretty sure dad tossed it or sold it... 

so when I found this one I wondered were I can buy film! I KNOW someone somewhere sells it! And alas! Found a website where they sell film packs! I bought some to try it out! And man oh man... it's pricey! So it's around 18 dollars for 8 pictures!! So when I ordered it was 24 dollars because yah know... shipping and tax n stuff... yea.. I spent 24 bucks for 8 pics. 

But I was excited nonetheless because I was going to try out this cool camera! 

The camera was in amazing shape! either the person hardly used it or they took care of it very well! 

so i popped in the "cartilage" the pack.. the pics.. whatever lol 

and out goes the little blank paper and it works! i was so ecstatic!

thought! "ok carol you cant just take random photos! you only have 8 shots!"

so here you see 4 shots... ok so this is what happened, i decided to take a picture of my little vintage books because thought that would look cute! shot it and i let it develop.. i couldn't remember how long it took to develop.. so i set it aside.. then i went to my living room and took a picture of my dog sitting down... again i set it aside to develop... so around 10 minutes later i come back... and well look at those 2 first pictures... 

the picture of my books,... you can't see it.. only a bit of light from my window.. now, my room was pretty lit (lol) and it shouldn't have been that dark! 

and the second one was of my dog and shot it where the light hits the most in the house! and it's pitch black... no picture. 

the third picture was actually the fourth picture you see in the pic, it was of my other dog.. he was by the window and before it took this i looked up only if there was other techniques how how to take a picture with a polaroid and i couldn't find what i was doing wrong.. but i did found that you can switch the little arrows for more or less exposure?.. so i switched it to the light and took a picture of my dog and this is what came out lol 

So... it came out a bit blurry, i mean my dog did move because since the camera makes noise he did that head tilt lol but its not that bad... so now that i had that light switch i went back to take a picture of my books again and nope,,... same thing happened the first time.. SOOOO i just wasted 3 pictures lol  and i did looked at the inside where you feed the battery and pics and everything is CLEAN like i said whoever owned this either never used it or really took good care of it 

so im going to wait for my dad to take a look at it.. i swear he's a master at fixing electronic things and hopefully he can find the problem and i mean its a camera of his youth haha.

and here is an old picture i'd like to share.. we have so many polaroid pictures laying around. 

i believe this was taken in '94? im the second little bean there.. with my sisters and cousins if this was taken in '94 then i was around 2 years old here lol 

Children of the Corn anyone?.. lol 

moving

So im using a random subject generator to write everyday in this blog soo here it goes..

Today's subject.. 'write about moving'

I like moving in but not moving out... moving out is sooo dreadful! you dont realize how much crap you have until you pack them up! and moving in.. well thats an easy task! you get a fresh new canvas to decorate! decorating has to be the funnest part of a new place, plus its easier to keep clean, for the first week anyways... ive moved about 5 times? throughout my life.. 

we used to live in a trailer when i was about 2 years old and i vaguely remember those days.. dad used to record us a lot! (such a 90's dad with a camcorder on him at all times)

and i mention that because i think we have a tape from when we used to live there so i dont know if the little memories i have from living there are my own or from the home video..

i dont remember moving out of that place.. too young i suppose

next house... was an apartment, now this apartment doesnt look like an apartment at a first glance it actually looks like a giant house, i think there was 3 and ours was on the front so we got the front door apartment, this house was blue and used to called the La Casa Azul (the blue house) kinda like Frida Kahlo's home... i liked this place it was quite spacious, i mean at least that's what i thought as a child, it only had one living room and 3 bedrooms and kitchen of course... it was 5 of us girls and my parents, they always made it work.. so then i again dont remember moving out from La Casa Azul.

So after that we moved to some apartments that were about 5 mins away now these apartments LOOKED like apartments it literally looks like a box with doors and windows.. there was 4 apartments, ours was the second door, or apartment B, this is the place where i'd spent the most of my childhood.. i want to say i do remember moving in, i have this image in my head of seeing the upstair bedrooms empty, now I DO remember moving out from this place i was a bit older and my brain decided to record these memories, well dont remember the packing part but! i do remember that we have sent the all of our stuff to our new home, it was an hour and a half away! ive only lived in one city my whole life so this was big change, anyways.. i remember i'd take trips with my dad on the uhaul and the ride was terribly long! back then an hour felt like 5 hours! this house was HUGE! i mean, we did lived in a small apartment for almost 10 years, it was incredible! high ceilings a hall way! it was insane! we'd still have to share bedrooms with my sisters but still! 

i do remember when we arrived to unload the truck we'd put the stuff in the garage.. oh did i mentioned WE HAVE A GARAGE.. i dont know... i was amazed that we have this now.... since i was still a kid i dont remember packing my own stuff my mom still did pretty much everything for me at the time.. 

But i do recall moving out of that house i was bout 15 years old? i honestly dont remember.. i was in high school so i know that! this time i did packed my own things at this time both of my sisters have moved out and i had my own room which meant i did have mess.. i had a big box that i shoved anything and everything and i guess that wasn't a good idea and i didn't know how to pack.. you see. one does not put heavy precious things in the bottom of a big box.. and still fill it up with random crap on top.. it was too heavy! delicate things go on smaller boxes and big non heavy items on a big box.. let's just say i learned my lesson!... 

so those are my stories of moving out and in from homes that i can currently remember, 

moving is great i guess, it gives you a chance to start fresh! and to get things a bit more organized for a bit haha. 

i wrote this at 6am i was still asleep so pardon all my grammar mistakes!... k thaaanksssss 

No one is saving me

So, I don't know where to start... well, first of all.. its morning which means im still asleep. I actually took one of those 5 hour energy shot and its kinda working... I can drink coffee but... i hate the taste of it... the smell is amazing! But the taste? Nope. 

So you're probably wondering what youre going to read today.. im wondering the same thing. 

Lately .. more like the past few years... I've been feeling sooooo unfulfilled, im in my mid 20's. (I MEAN IM STILL 19)  and still have no idea what i want to do with my life... i think i have an idea but not sure where to start.

Sometimes i feel like i have so much sadness in my heart, for 2 reasons, my personal problems and most of all.. the problems in the world.. i feel too much and i hate it. I can enter a room and immediately feel what other people are feeling, happiness, excitement and especially sadness... i want to help people out but I want to help myself first, the way i feel can also affect the people around me, and yea i totally get that we cant always feel 100% all the time, we have to feel sad sometimes.. its part of being human. But this is a constant battle... the fact im still standing im not sure if im winning or losing.. im in the middle of it. 

I also feel that i don't belong in this time period, yah, i know ..crazy! But i somehow feel like i had a past life in the 70's.. I don't know man, but i have a strong connection for the past, i like this quote from a movie that i love, " Nostalgia, is denial of the painful present," The name for this denial is golden age thinking the erroneous notion that different time period is better than the one one's living in. It's a flow in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present. -A Midnight in Paris

That little quote resonated with me for quite some time, and i think because it's not that i had a past life, but i want to go back in time to my childhood and perhaps start all over again and maybe fix 

where i went wrong, but also.. did i went wrong? Or am i meant to feel this way now? And will that follow up with my happiness? 

Do you see my problem now? I have no idea what's going on 

BUT! Regardless...... i have to focus on the NOW.. and that is all we got.. now and the future... but sometimes i cant stop feeling well.. this feeling.. 

i often feel like im waiting, and i know in some cases that's not ok... 

but waiting for what? That's what I don't understand. Am i stalling? I do want to live my life, Am i waiting for the right person to come along and make my problems go away? Can people do that? Make them feel ok? But what if they feel the same way as i? And expect me to fix them?  

Yea, i have soooo many questions.. but that's all i do! Ask myself what's wrong with me..

Sometimes i cant think... it feels like my mind is too cluttered, but then i ask myself.. of what? 

I'm young.. my mind should be fresh of new ideas and should have much room for new experiences, as im writing this im taking long pauses and just stare at the chair across me.. listening to The Aviator soundtrack music filled with wonderful 40's music and just imagine myself sitting by the fire, and in front of me with the person i love the most, and just enjoying eachother's company... no talking... just feeling, its the most powerful connection. Also wishing i could dance...i have no rhythm.

Anyways...

I have many problems i am going through and what i wrote above is not even the beginning but that's another story and shall be told another time, 

I'm slowly realizing that only i can save me, i am a warrior of my own life. No one knows what goes through my head only me, no one understands me better than me.

Some days are shit. But just because a day or many days are crap doesn't mean your whole life is...

I think about life a lot and think why am i here and not there... well... this is my life here and now. so i better make the best of it for right now...  

no matter what im going to try and make an effort to do what feels right and not think about should've  could've, would've 

I don't want that to destroy my spirit. 

And to finally see what potential i have. 

So these are my thoughts for this morning and trust me i have many of those, will i make sense.. probably not, but hopefully someone out there understands what's going on with me

K thankssss byyeeee  

Put a Bullet in my brain

Put a Bullet in my brain 

and make my pain marvelous,

 make me relive my happiest moments of my waking life.

Don't be afraid to let go because i already have, 

im not going to change my mind, for it already had changed.

i wont miss the Sun or the Moon

 for they are in me

i AM the Sun and Moon.

Dont cry, 

the Oceans, Lakes and the Rivers are full of many tears. 

i cannot stay.

(unfinished)

am i ok?

I refuse to be a victim. its been probably 6 to 7 years or even my whole life that ive been feeling like this. Don't know if im overly sensitive, or just constantly sad, or even have that dreadful depression. not sure, but what i do know is that i wont go to a doctor, i haven't seen the doc. for 6 years. im fine. but i don't want someone to tell me i have something and all they'll hand out is pills. im a stubborn person, the only way i'll take medicine is if im on my deathbed, which recently ive been walking right beside it. I don't make myself sad, the world makes me sad, the troubles, the hate.... i feel guilty for being happy, its not that i don't deserve to be happy but just thinking many are suffering at the moment. its a constant thought in my mind. then thinking "wow im so lucky to have the life that i do" and yet i feel im wasting it because im lost, not sure who i am, i mean, i know who i am but not quite sure what's my purpose. 

Sometimes i feel so out of place, i feel like i don't belong, i don't belong in this time. im always yearning to go back, but go back where? honestly i don't know, but its a strong feeling that im not from here, ok i know sounds crazy, but i don't care. its what i feel, and i cannot deny that.

am i from a different time? is this why i have a fascination of different time periods? are souls from different eras within  me? i don't know, i do believe in reincarnation because why not? but then again its my belief. ive just been distracting myself this whole time from feeling like this and no, im not sad all the time, i know my worth, i like myself somewhat, and if i don't like something physically or mentally about myself i try to change it. its just waves of feelings come over me and try to wash me away, but hey! im still standing and thats something i should be proud of. and to always have hope. days will be dark as the thought of loneliness but other days will be bright as the warmth of the sun when it hits you on the first day of summer. 

just a thought of the night. 

         and i welcome many more. 

       

                  Love, Carol. 

September issue

 

 

Got my September issue from Vogue today!, well, actually I didn't know I was going to get it, anyways, I got it and it's HUGE

I like fashion magazines they're really great to look at! I sometimes don't like the clothes they wear from different brands but some are cute!. But you see, I look at fashion magazines in a different way than most people, and I know others do this too! I look at them to get inspiration. I look at their makeup, hair, nails, and some clothing items and imagine in my head what clothes do I have to imitate this without going out to and spend money, I don't want to straight up copy like the models, but I just want to see of I can pull it off! 

Let me tell you how I've always looked at magazines and models, 

When I was younger, in my early teens and late teens... I really wasn't vulnerable on the pressures on how to look in a certain way based on society views (I'm the same way today)

I guess you can call me lazy or just don't care on how people physically view me

At a young age somehow I understood why models looked in a certain way and what the designers were doing,

Each fashion designer is different they each have a look they want to perceive or they do something very extravagant to advertise their products! For example makeup models... THEY HAVE THE CLEAREST SKIN IN LIFE and no pores???? Gurl, well know that every one has pores and we can surely see  them with high def. cameras. But we don't see that because they feel that's too distracting from that they're trying to sell, whether it's eyeshadow or mascara (which by the way, they need to STOP using fake lashes specifically when they are advertising mascara) so, that's understandable. I don't believe that you must wear everything that is straight off the runway, I think you should only take what you need, and make it your own

Like for example, YouTube makeup videos, you don't HAVE to use the exact same thing as the person is using if you don't have the same brands but the same color you're set!! Take what you need, and of course you can copy step by step and use the same brands as they used but you don't need to. 

So as far as fashion it's alright, it's whatever they're not forcing us a certain way but US as a society were forcing us to look a certain way, I don't know that's how I feel about that. 

Ok so let's talk about the cover of this month's issue! Kendall Jenner, she is so admirable because I love how she kind of separated herself form the "Kardashian brand" and is pursuing a career of her own!  And I bet it's not easy, knowing where you're from to branch out and try new things because maybe some may think of you in a certain way because of your name. And I think she's a great model. (Of whatever she's doing, I really don't follow people) 

Also I'm going to destroy this Magazine.... Lol as in I'm going to cut up some pages and make a vision board! I haven't made one in YEARS! I remember I had 2 when I was around 15 years old! They were amazing it had Lauren Conrad and some of the Hills cast members idk I LOVED THAT SHOW OKAY! Anyways.. Going to make one, I've made a couple on my phone with different apps but it's not the same because it's such a drag to turn on your phone and have to stare at a screen, SO I decided to make a "fashion" vision board since I have this magazine, I mean I'm not really into fashion but I guess I'll give it a go! Maybe I'll make a post on how it looks like! 

Goodbye for now. 

Sick days

ah! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, ... Being sick that is, I rarely get sick and when I do it's horrid! I have a sore throat and it's not fun, especially when you wake up in the morning! For some reason it's 10x worse! BUT alas! I do have a remedy for a mild sore throat! Ready!? Ok so what I do to soothe the soreness and the tickle in your throat is make a jasmine tea, add a whole lemon (juice) and honey!! Oh my goodness! It's so good! That combo is so delightful! Honey will soothe you're throat and it's just. TRY IT, even if you aren't sick! 

Anyways, I'm coughing a little and yea it hurts, took some Advil and it calmed the pain, but for some reason when I'm sick it is when I want to do the most, I do my chores, I continue doing my little projects, and making a lot of planning for this years Halloween! But I must sit down for a hot second because while it's hard to breathe in this condition for me, because asthma is upon me. 

So I decided to read a little, what am I reading? Well Harry Potter of course! Ha! Since the new book is out I decided to re read all the books just to re fresh my memory and I'm on the last book in the series! 

 

Also made some more tea but this time I pulled out my Alice in Wonderland tea that I got from downtown Disney! The flavor I'm drinking is Mint, I'm not. Big fan of mint but thought I'd give it a go! And I had to use my kitty mug! It is the exact color of my late cat Mitzy! Main reasons why I got it! She also had green eyes! I miss her! 

Also have my little note pad just in case I need to write something out! Ideas always come out of nowhere! 

Also using my iPad as I write this and listening to Glenn Miller 

 

Glenn Miller is my favorite I love listening to his different records! Especially when I'm working on things online! 

So after I write this blog post I'm going to start reading Harry Potter! I need to read more about Harry and Ginny because them together are my favorites! 

Thanks for reading this 

Sorry you had to, alright then bye!